Thursday, March 19, 2015


I was writing about trust last night in my Lenten journal, and I had a bit of an enlightened moment.

Putting my trust in God sometimes means putting my trust in other people.

Now I realize why I am so bad at this.

I am really quite fabulous at pretending to trust when needed, but it isn't something that comes effortlessly to me. I find this to be hilarious, because I am such a rule follower and tend to believe (or trust) everyone else is a rule follower. Then I am let down when no one else follows the rules. (I'm looking at you, line cutters!)

But trust? Forget it. If I can throw you, I might trust you, but I don't go around throwing people very often.

There have been times in my life that I have let go of my control (usually out of exhaustion) and I've been pleasantly surprised that letting go and trusting someone else to help is better than being the one woman island.

Let me go work on that.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Planner Talk

This isn't much of a mommy blog or a life style blog or... well I don't know how to label it really, but I though I would join For Love of Cupcakes for a planner link up, because I don't get much of anything accomplished without my planner. My mind used to be a steel trap, but now I forget everything.

I don't like the idea of electronic calendars. Too easy. So, I like to go for a paper planner. I have been very happy with the one I currently use for three years, though if I find a Catho planner with hour lines SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

This week is a boring week, but I have a highlighter color system, and a to-do list on to-do list Post-Its, 

Planner accessories: my paper address book (stamps are inside!), more Post-Its, colored pens, high lighters (both Sharpie brand), and paperclips. 

I also adore the Post-It pockets. I need to go buy some more, but I like being able to have business cards with my planner, and other items that I am saving for one reason or another. I upgraded this year to the full sized Catholic Daily Planner and I like having a bigger planner now. 

Because I am so retro, I have a giant dry erase calendar in the kitchen and every month I copy the various schedules onto the calendar (Calvin loves to be apprised of the monthly goings on) then I snap a photo of the calendar and send it to the husband's work email so he knows what I know. 


Friday, March 6, 2015

Self Discipline

I am a few days behind in the Blessed Is She Lenten Journal. I've been in this routine where I just retire to my bedroom after the kids are in bad and it is so nice, that I have been forgetting to do things. Like, write, journal, laundry, dishes... Instead I watch bad movies with the husband and fall asleep. The sleep of a mother that is enjoying (mostly) sleeping through the night with a three month old babe. 

The last time I put pen to paper was in adoration on Tuesday morning. I came across the above passage and it hit me like a freight train. I thought, "This is me." 

I know the rules. I know what is asked of me as a Catholic woman. Most of the time, it is not hard to follow these commandments. It is old habit. With every season of my life, there are some commandments that are more difficult than others, and I seem to find new ways to struggle. 

Most days, I feel completely unworthy of all that I have. There are days where I do not have sleep deprivation or a busy schedule to blame for my impatience with young children. There are days when the touching, talking, and general formation required of a woman with young children is just too much. I yearn for the days when I could go home after class or work and melt into a puddle and listen to angsty punk rock. 

I can complain and whine to as many people that will listen. Moms that know what this part of life is like. People that secretly want to tell me it was a bad idea to grow a family of six where the average age in the home is twelve. People that can offer me a myriad of excuses and to tell me to go easy on myself and take a break. 

Maybe what I need though, is the discipline the passage above demands of me.

I need to take deep breaths and count to ten like I tell the children to do. I need to go to bed and get adequate sleep like I tell the children to do. I need to pray and work on knowing Who I am pray to like I tell the children to do. I need to pay attention to what was asked of me and not my brothers and sisters, like I tell my children to do. I need to show respect to others like I tell my children to do. 

Lent is a tough season. Sacrifice is hard. Maybe Lent is also about discipline though, and maybe that is what makes it so difficult. 

So,  I am working on disciplining myself to be the example for all the things I am requiring of my children. Sounds familiar.