Friday, April 5, 2013

7 Quick Takes: The Pregnancy Talk I Loathe Edition


This 7QT is themed. As I am coming closer and closer to the baby's date of arrival, I hear the same pregnancy talk more and more frequently. I am not typically a cutesy speak kind of person, so the pregnancy variety of cutesy speak is BY FAR my least favorite part of pregnancy. Seriously. Even worse than all the people that think they have a say in how many children my husband and I choose to have. Here is a countdown of the seven terms I have heard this week that made me cringe.

SEVEN
"Let me guess: It's a boy/girl!"  Every single person on the face of the planet seems to be obsessed with the genitalia of my child. Stop please. I am carrying a human, and you won't be able to tell what sex the baby is even after I give birth and tell you his/her name, so chill. You don't really care, and will forget you saw me the second I leave your line of sight unless one of my other children does something heinous while you are speaking to me.

SIX
"You look tired." I only hear this on days that I opt out of makeup. Well, how should I look? What can I do to my appearance that will make me more pleasing to you? I am at a point that rolling over in bed or getting up to go the restroom makes me hungry, so I just might look pregnant more than tired. See?


FIVE
"Baby bump" Cutesy. If this is a bump, I would hate to see what you would call a mountain. We have certainly passed the "bump" phase of this pregnancy.

FOUR
Preggers: Cutesy and it sounds stupid. Never say it to me, please!

THREE
"Any day now?" 18 days from now. I'll send you an announcement. As I have been hearing this from every last person that I see since I was about five months along, I am dying to give a scathing response  to the next person that says it. Charity, charity...

TWO
People pointing at me and talking about me as though I do not notice, or trying to touch my stomach. We went to the beach on Easter, and at least four different people decided to point and whisper. Yep. I know my clothes don't fit. Yep. you can see the belly because my maternity swim suit doesn't quite cover Tres. How about the string bikini you are wearing, can we chat about that? Maybe I should charge admission for those that want to stare or touch. Can I touch you? Oh, that is inappropriate? My apologies.

ONE
Nesting: Any time I mention cleaning or I purchase baby-related items, someone thinks it is wise to accuse me of nesting. Is it really that out of the ordinary to prepare for the birth of your child? I am not sure why, but the term just sounds derogatory to me at times. Who carries a baby and does not prepare for when said baby arrives? Nesting invokes an image of a bird frantically trying to weave a bunch of sticks together with spit and mud. I see the bird with sweat all over its brow and people gawking and laughing at the frantic pace, as though it is ludicrous to clean whilst expecting, or buy items you might need, like diapers. Maybe I am just trying not to fall asleep?

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7 comments:

  1. Lol @ number 2! A term I hate worse than preggers is prego!

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    1. Prego really should have been included with preggers, you are right!

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  2. Oh my gosh, you are so cute! Is that allowed? I am such a bad baby belly toucher - I can't help myself! But I would never touch a stranger's :)

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    1. I find when most people ask, it is not as big of a deal. There are many grabbers in this world... ;)

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  3. Oh my, too funny! I have been hearing plenty of these. I personally like "are you having twins? No. Are you sure there is only one baby in there...you HAVE to be having twins?" Seriously, some people need to keep their mouth shut when they are in public.

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  4. All of these are great but my favs are #4 and #7.

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  5. Haha! I so remember those days. I got the " you must be due any day now!" at 5 1/2 months. Followed by the question about twins. Ouch. I'm convinced that people are just sorely ungifted at talking to pregnant women/about pregnancy. Makes em either nervous or overly excited and they forget themselves. The best comeback I heard for the touching of the belly was, "sweet...mind if I touch yours?" I had someone I know kiss mine. Awkward.

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