Sunday, June 10, 2012

Interrupted Thinking


As a mom, I do a lot of interrupted thinking. A little over three years ago, I stopped being able to complete a thought in one sitting. The result of this has been a new way of processing information that I am still getting used to. In college I used to sit in my art classes with my headphones on and create as I held both sides of a discussion in my head. I would go to the library between classes and research and then go home to my dorm and write with music blaring. My lecture notes were covered with doodles and lyrics as I processed information. Most days I would come home from classes to a roommate’s pleasant greetings and I suddenly was aware that there were other people in the world, and it would take some time for me to rejoin the social world of the living. I had as much time as I needed to think and process. I wrote everything down, never forgot an appointment, and took my planner and Post-it Notes with me everywhere. Now that I have children, four, five, sometimes ten things spring to mind all at once, and my brain carefully (or not so carefully) sorts through them throughout the day. I skip around between ideas and concepts between diaper changes, feedings, playtime and running errands. I research and read while performing chores during naps when I really should be napping myself. I have dozens of half filled out to-do lists, and I forget to write things down. I lose things. I forget words, and sometimes I find myself stuttering a bit as I hit the rewind button in my head so I can find the lost word. My husband finds loaves of bread in the freezer, and I am still looking for The New Amsterdams CD I lost, then found, then promptly lost again when I was pregnant in 2009. My life has changed a great deal since I was 18 and in college. My life involves other people that depend on me, and this has had quite the impact on my critical thinking skills. They still exist somewhere in there, but there are more bottlenecks with every passing day. I stand in awe of parents. To quote a dear friend, “I have a lot of respect for people who are raising functional people in society”.  It is tough work and, to be frank, there is not much support for parents these days.

Despite my newly acquired interrupted thinking process, I know I am capable of raising my offspring in the manner they deserve. I took my time and used my head when I was looking for love. In an early Father’s Day tribute of sorts, I am proud to say that I am raising my children in a loving, two parent household. I know that my husband and I complement each other in many ways, but especially when it comes to parenting. I look down the road at all the stops we have ahead: potty training (I promise I am going to be consistent about that soon!), school, tween and teen questions about sexuality, faith, politics, world news, college… I look forward to those stops and conversations: those teachable moments. I can take comfort not only in knowing I am blessed to have my husband’s partnership along the way, but that I continue to take the time to truly know my faith and love God. I take comfort in knowing that I am well aware of the challenges our children will face, and that I am making informed parenting decisions on a daily basis. There are times I could do better, and times I have to remind myself of my capabilities, but I take my responsibilities as a parent seriously.

So to my husband: pardon my interrupted thinking. This goes a long way in explaining how that loaf of bread ended up in the freezer, and why I blamed you for it. The verdict is still out on whether or not I will find that CD. I will give St. Anthony another try.

2 comments:

  1. Well said. I don't know why it is bad to have bread in the freezer, though, because I have bread, hamburger buns and I think some tortillas in there, too ;)

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  2. I had blocked out the memory that it fell off the fridge when I opened the freezer. It is actually half a loaf of bread and we sort of needed it for lunch today. Oh well. Stale hot dog buns did the trick.

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